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Sunday, 9 July 2017

Jokes and majedar hindi Chutkule

 Put your wife in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both  rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you, and who will BITE you ! 😝
(Group members are advised not to try this at home as these stunts were performed by professionals; who are now divorced; and living happily with their dog!!) 😊

Don't laugh loud ---- 😃
The extended version  says...
Put your husband in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & you will be happy to see your dog waiting for you.. but you'll be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before!!! 😝😝😝😝...
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कन्या का बाप :  क्या करते हो ?
लड़का :  जी , व्यापार 
बाप : GST के बारे में बताओ ?
लड़का : शादी नहीं करनी तो सीधे मना कर दो , अंड-बंड सवाल क्यों पूछते हो ?
😂😂😂😂😂😂
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 एक शायर घर मे पत्नी के साथ बैठे है । तभी प्रेमिका का मिस्डकॉल आता है। फिर शायर प्रेमिका को शायरी में जवाब देते है ।

"हवा की लहरें बन के मेरी खिड़की मत खटखटा,

मै बंद खिड़की में बवंडर संभाल के बैठा हूँ ।"
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 😜😜😜 जबतक जिंदगी है रोज DP  बदलते रहिये  😀 
वरना .....

बाद में तो एक ही फ़ोटो मे टंगे रहोगे... 😜😜😜
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शराब के उस बार के सामने एक छोटा सा तालाब था।

झमाझम बारिश हो रही थी और
उस बारिश में पूरा भीगा हुआ एक बुजुर्ग आदमी एक छड़ी पकड़े था
जिससे बँधा धागा तालाब के पानी में डूबा हुआ था।

एक राहगीर ने उससे पूछा: "क्या कर रहे हो बाबा ?"

बुजुर्ग: "मछली पकड़ रहा हूँ।"

राहगीर बारिश में भीगे उस बुजुर्ग को देख बहुत दुखी हुआ, बोला:
"बाबा, मैं बार में व्हिस्की पीने जा रहा हूँ।
आओ तुम्हें भी एक पैग पिलाता हूँ।
ऐंसे तो तुम्हे सर्दी लग जायेगी। आओ अंदर चलें। "

बार के गर्म माहौल में बुजुर्ग के साथ व्हिस्की पीते महाशय ने बुजुर्ग से पूछा:
"हाँ तो, बाबा, आज कितनी मछलियाँ फसीं ?"

बुजुर्ग बोला" तुम आठवीं मछली हो, बेटा! " 
😜😜😜😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
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*What's app पर बीबि ने मायके वालों को add कर group बना रखा है!.. अगर पति नाराज हो जाये, गुस्सा करें तो इसकी शिकायत वो ग्रुप पर करती है...!!!*

उसके बाद की प्रतिक्रिया -

*भाई :-* जिज्जी तुम चिंता नई करियो! ..तुमाओ भाई अबे जिंदा है! जीजा के गुर्दा छील दे हें अगर अब डाटों तो!!!😁

*माँ :-* हमाई फूल सी मोडी! ..जे कौन से लीचड से ब्याह दई हमने!!..😁

*बहने :-* जीजा तो हेई कमीना! ..हमने तो पहले ही कई ती!!😁

*बाप:-*  तू घरे आ जा बेटी!..वो लिआबे आ हे सो मार-मार के आडो कर दें हें!

*भतीजा:-*  तुम चिंता नई करियो बुआ। हें पे फूफा को अजाने दे, दो चार डंडे पिछवाड़े पे हम भी लगा देहैं।

*सहेलियां-:* जे ई तो ,बियाहे के बखत तो तुमने हमाई एक न सुनी..जे तो हमे भी खूब छेड़े था।
          😜 😁 😂 🤠 😎 ye pakka New h..............
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🌻🌻🌻
घर जमाई: आज से मैं रोटी
नहीं, चावल ही
खाऊंगा 😏😏
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सास: क्यो? 😳😳
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घर जमाई: मोहल्ले वालों के तानो से थक गया
हूँ कि मैं ससुराल में मुफ़्त की
रोटी तोड़ता हूँ 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Lord gives inspiration

Krishna story : Lord gives inspiration

Buddhuram was an unsophisticated farmer in a small village in Gujarat. 

He doesn't know anything. He could not read or write. 

One day Buddhuram went home after tendering the calves and his wife was just complaining and shouting at him. 

Buddhuram's wife always regretted marrying him. 

She said, "After all his name is Buddhuram and on top of that he has no buddhi. He is a highly silly man and only knows how to take care of his cows. 

But my other friends in my village, they always come back and tell me, "my husband did this", "my husband achieved that", "my husband got a new bullock cart" and I look at my dear husband, he is very satisfied in chanting the names of Krishna, taking the cows around, coming back for kitchadi and waking up in the morning, taking the cows out and doing chanting. No ambition." 

So she decided to upgrade her husband. She told her husband that from next day onwards there is no kitchadi for him. 

Buddhuram asked what he did. She told him to learn Sanskrit and to learn how to compose a poem. 

Buddhuram said he doesn't know what a poem is; he doesn't know what Sanskrit is. He told he is becoming very afraid and there is no kitchadi on top of that!

She told, "Just last week our neighbour went to recite poetry in front of the king and came back with 10 gold coins. What have you come back with? Nothing."

So Buddharam said, "Alright whatever you want me to do I will do." So he tolerated his wife. 

The wife started to teach him Sanskrit in the morning. 

But Buddhuram has no buddhi and after a while nothing goes inside.

He only knows to chant, to pray to Krishna and to take care of the cows. Totally unsophisticated. 

Then the wife tells him, "No kitchadi until you study. Put your head into it."

Now Buddhuram becomes very depressed. No kitchadi is there, wife is more demanding, life is miserable. 

So he started walking along the banks of the river. As he was walking up and down he thought, "Better I start learning how to write Sanskrit so that I can compose poetry." 

So he writes and writes and writes. Suddenly one learned scholar walked by. He looked at Buddhuram and asked, "My dear friend what are you writing?" 

He said, "I am learning Sanskrit so that I can compose poetry." 

The scholar laughed. He said, "You are a fool. The truth is no matter how much you know Sanskrit, you cannot write poetry."

Buddhuram asked, "Why?" The scholar said, "If you want to write poetry, you need inspiration." 

Buddhuram asked, "How will I know when inspiration comes to me?"

The scholar said, "It is very simple. When you are inspired, the hairs on your hand stand straight. You will start shaking and shivering. When you feel that sensation, then you are inspired. At that point you compose poetry and then the poetry will be perfect."

Buddhuram thought that this is very amazing. He told, "I will wait until the hair stands and I am shaking, then I will write poetry." So the scholar walked away.

Again Buddhuram went back, tried to recite the poetry, tried to recite Sanskrit, but the wife was not happy, sent him out and said 'no kitchadi'. 

So Buddhuram went to the river. He decides, "Better I end my life, Krishna. There is no point to go on like this." 

So he jumped into the river. Unfortunately the river was too shallow to kill himself. It was only half. The river is very cold.

Buddhuram starts shivering and the hairs on his body stands because of the cold water.

He says, "The hairs on my body are standing and I am feeling extremely shivering, that means I am inspired."

He looks around for a pen and some subject of his poetry and he sees a crow. Its name is Kalia. He looks at the crow. What does the crow do? The crow is dipping its beak into the water again and again and it is sharpening the beak on the stone. 

So Buddhuram writes, "Oh Kalia, I can read your mind, you sharpen it again and again and you dip it in water. Oh Kalia I can read your mind."

So Buddhuram runs back to his wife and says, "I have composed poetry."

She asked him to recite the poetry. He recited the poetry. But she could not understand anything. 

She told, "It doesn't sound like poetry, but my dear Lord, I leave it in your good hands. You take the horse and go now and see the king."

Buddhuram rides and goes to see the king. When he reached the king, all the great poets were reciting wonderful poems. 

Buddhuram has little faith in Krishna. He is a simple man, he prays hard and says, "Krishna I don't know what I have been inspired by, I don't know what poetry I have, but I am just putting it forward now, You please help me."

Now Buddharam's turn came. 

He started reciting the poem. "Oh Kalia I can read your mind. You sharpen it again and again and you dip it in water. Oh Kalia I can read your mind." Everybody starts laughing. 

They all said it is a ridiculous poem and it is not rhyming, there is no poetry and there is nothing in it.

But the king thinks, "Who will be so stupid to come and stand before me and recite such nonsense. There must be some deep meaning to this poetry."

Now we don't know who is more foolish, Buddhuram or king. 

The king stops everyone from laughing and said, "I want someone who can tell me the deeper meaning of this poem."

Buddhuram has no idea, what the poem meant. He is only depending on the good Lord so that he can go home and have kitchadi. 

Now everybody stops laughing and thinks if the king says that there is a deep meaning, then there has to be a deep meaning. 

King said, "I am going to put out the poem for the whole town to look at. The one who can decipher it, he will get 50 gold coins."

Everybody tries but nobody can decipher it because there is no meaning to that poetry. The king is wondering who will be able to decipher this great poet's poem which is so deep.

One day the king sits down and his barber is coming. The barber is shapening his knife. Barber's name is Kalia. So king looks at Kalia in an absent-minded way, he says, "Oh Kalia, I can read your mind. (Kalia starts sweating). You sharpen it again and again and you dip it in water. Oh Kalia, I can read your mind."

Now Kalia drops everything and falls at the feet of the king and said, "O King, I never knew that you knew everything. King is completely bewildered. 

He says, "King I have betrayed you. Your enemy state has paid me to slit your throat today and kill so that they will take over the kingdom. But my dear king, I realised that you are so great that you say Kalia I can read your mind. And you exactly said that I am sharpening it again and again and I was dipping it again and again and then you said I can read your mind. Now my dear king I have to surrender to you." 

Immediately king thought that this Buddhuram is the greatest among the poets and he can see the future also. 

"I must give much more rewards because he has saved my life just by reciting the poem. His poem was designed to save me at the right time." Buddhuram has no idea about his poem. 

Buddhuram goes back to his village with money.

Moral of the story:

Buddhuram was a simple devotee of the Lord just like you and me. He did not know what he wanted. He did not know who was exploiting him. But he always without fail executed his devotional service very simply. 

So Krishna protected him in all his difficulties. Krishna gave him inspiration, so that he will not forget Krishna.

And even when Buddhuram went back to his village, he went back with all the money, but he left the money with his wife and continued his simple life of tendering to the cows, chanting Krishna's names and taking kitchadi prasadam.

"If Krishna can be kind to Buddhuram, He can be kind to us because we may have little bit more buddhi than Buddhuram. So use your intelligence to be eager to study Bhagavatam and be with Krishna.

If you are with Krishna in any program, anywhere, just by remembering Him, He will give you inspiration to be always enthused. If you do not remember Him or do not try to remember Him, then He will take away the inspiration and in the end what are you left without Krishna? Life without Krishna is death. You don't have to die now but you are as good as dead if you do not have brahma sparshanam ."

ये कहां आ गए हम.....यूँ ही टैक्स भरते भरते ...

सिलसिला .....

मैं और मेरी कमाई, 
अक्सर ये बातें करते हैं,
टैक्स न लगता तो कैसा होता? 
तुम न यहाँ से कटती, 
न तुम वहाँ से कटती,
मैं उस बात पे हैरान होता, 
सरकार उस बात पे तिलमिलाती ,
टैक्स न लगता तो ऐसा होता, 
टैक्स न लगता तो वैसा होता...
मैं और मेरी कमाई, 
"ऑफ़ शोर" ये बातें करते हैं....

ये टैक्स है या मेरी तिज़ोरी खुली हुई है ?
या आईटी की नज़रों से मेरी जेब ढीली हुई है,
ये टैक्स है या सरकारी रेन्सम,
कमाई का धोखा है या मेरे पैसों की खुशबू,
ये इनकम की है सरसराहट 
कि टैक्स चुपके से यूँ कटा,
ये देखता हूँ मैं कब से गुमसुम,
जब कि मुझको भी ये खबर है,
तुम कटते हो, ज़रूर कटते हो,
मगर ये लालच है कि कह रहा है,
कि तुम नहीं कटोगे, कभी नहीं कटोगे,........

मज़बूर ये हालात इधर भी हैं, उधर भी,
टैक्स बचाई ,कमाई इधर भी है, उधर भी,
दिखाने को बहुत कुछ है मगर क्यों दिखाएँ हम,
कब तक यूँही टैक्स कटवाएं और सहें हम,
दिल कहता है आईटी की हर रस्म उठा दें,
सरकार जो है उसे आज गिरा दें,
क्यों टैक्स में सुलगते रहें, आईटी को बता दें,
हाँ, हम टैक्स पेयर हैं, 
टैक्स पेयर हैं, 
टैक्स पेयर हैं,y
अब यही बात पेपर में इधर भी है, उधर भी...
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ये कहां आ गए हम.....यूँ ही टैक्स भरते भरते ...

😎😎😊😊😀😀